It's All Over

Switching things up for my last post here. I (Ron if you haven't figured that out yet) thought I should wrap up the blog and talk a little about graduation. May 17th, aka the end of the world, is only a week away and I've had plenty of time to think about what that means. I'm not overly emotional about the whole process and I don't feel some huge sense of accomplishment. Millions of people graduate from college and I've overcome zero impressive obstacles to do so. I've lived a comfortable life and performed spectacularly mediocre throughout my academic career. Any time I was assigned any real work I spent more time complaining about it than actually completing it. I used Walsh Library more for its luxurious handicapped stall with a private sink than I did for studying. So when they finally hand me my diploma, I'll be too focused on not puking and embarrassing my mom to be proud of myself.

Now, while I won't be tweeting #blessed and sticking it to "all the haters who doubted me" during graduation, I will be thinking about all the dumb stuff we did here. From a fun standpoint, college was all it was advertised to be and I have a lot of people to thank for that. Here's my unnecessary list of people and inanimate objects I'm thankful for at Fordham:

Chandler Parsons (the hottest best friend a guy could ask for), Randy Houser, the Isley Bros, and 2 Live Crew (musical geniuses and the reason we have a 0% chance of getting our security deposit back), the Degenerate Seniors Who Graduated Last Year (you taught me too well), Downy Wrinkle Release (I'll never have to learn to iron clothes) Teachers Who Never Took Attendance (self explanatory), Bellini's and Healthy Fresh (CBR's and SEC's), Skyler, Her Trusty Sidekick Kim Possible, and The Groupies (without you at our house every weekend we would have felt like huge losers), JFK, Johnny Football, and Jordan Belfort (true role models), Jim Lahey and Randy Bobandy (drunk cheeseburger eating bastards), Garnier-Fructis (your hair gel is just exquisite) and Our Realtor (just kidding we aren't paying our last two months rent and plan on destroying this dump this week)

And of course the boys:

Heisenberg
It's only right to start with the guy I've lived with for four years now. Thanks for putting up with the worst roommate imaginable for so long. My time at Fordham just wouldn't have been the same without you. If we weren't randomly put together freshman year I wouldn't even be in this house and would probably be dead in a ditch by now. We've lost countless beer pong games together but at least we had great team chemistry. Let me know if you ever need help picking out Skyler a ring, I know a guy who can get us a discount.

Sanchez
The only guy besides Heisenberg to agree to live with me for two full years. Thanks for always waiting until I was too drunk to pay attention to start using your iPod to DJ. There's no one in the house who was better to recap the weekend with in the living room on a Sunday morning, mostly because you were the only one who actually remembered everything, but still you get the point. Nobody is more loyal to the house and I know that even if I didn't see you again for 20 years you'd still remember to do the handshake.


Razor
Thanks for forming the most lethal pick-and-roll duo the Fordham intramural scene has ever witnessed, despite the fact that your foul shooting may or not be the main reason my fingers aren't littered with championship rings. Without you in the house, we may have formed a Ronald Reagan worshipping cult and I'm not sure if I'm thanking your for this or hating you for it. You may have peaked in the biz too soon but take solace in the fact that Poopkeepsie is cinematic perfection.

Boris

You animal. Thanks for being the wildcard of the house and making me feel better about myself whenever I thought I hit rock bottom with my greasiness. You are so foreign and Russian it creeps me out, along with every American girl you have encountered this year. I will be telling your stories to people for the rest of my life. If things don't work out with marrying your Russian model cousin so she can get her green card, let me know bro, I got you. 

Bosh
Thanks for not judging me when I asked you what you were doing tonight and you'd name like five parties you were going to and I'd just nod my head and act like I was also invited to them even though I had no clue what you were talking about. Late night Workaholics and Bar Rescue marathons with the Big 3 downstairs crew will absolutely be missed. Hopefully you remember who I am in a couple years when I need to borrow some money.


Howie
I legitimately don't know what I'm gonna do when people are calling me by my real name instead of LRB.  Thanks for your outrageous contrarian arguments that make no sense and for teaming up on Meatballs whenever necessary. No one is better at publicly ridiculing me relentlessly while also being #TeamWaffles and having my back at the same time. You are the living and breathing Stevie Janowski and I pray you name your first son Spurgeon. 

Thor
Thanks for making me feel safe every night with only your beefiness and Thor hammer protecting our house. Your movie taste is questionable at best, I am still not positive you can read, and you exposed my Napolean complex to the rest of the world, but at least you were always ready to chug whiskey like a friggin' gorilla whenever I needed someone to bring the vibes up. That's the kinda guy I want protecting my country.

Meatballs
My ultimate rival. Thanks for being down to compete against me in every single stupid game we ever played. I hate to admit it but you kicked my ass most of the time. Some of the best memories of my life happened because I had you across the table chanting in my face about how much I suck. You may only be able to handle two beers but at least you are as fun as possible for those two before sprinting to the bathroom to puke.

Steve
Ahhh Big C. Beer Drinker. Home Run Hitter. Poop Shoe. Keith Stone. The star of the blog. My right hand man. Without you in the house, I would have probably been sucked into the girlfriend loving cult and lost all dignity as a man. Thanks for never punching me in the face all the times you threatened me, it probably would have hurt. In a year we went from introducing ourselves to each other at a party at our own house to the most unstoppable tag team Mugz's has ever seen. There's no one I'd rather have pour a beer on my head. I look forward to your rise to fame and the texts giving me all the greasy details.

So that's it, I guess. Thanks to everyone who read the blog, especially the people who didn't just read it for a class requirement. It was pretty cool that a few people actually cared enough to read about us idiots. I don't know where we'll all go from here. Every guy in the house has ridiculous potential to do big things in the future and it will be funny to see the clowns I hung out with grow up to be fully functioning adults. I don't care about graduating, I won't miss classes or the bars, and I won't even miss excessively drinking until I pee my pants, but I will miss my brothers. 2414 Hughes 'til I die. Sing it Randy...