First Party of 2014

Once every few weeks, the guys realize that they have no desire to leave the house and decide to throw a party. Coming to this decision is a complicated process that involves extensive planning along the lines of: "There's nothing to do tonight, let's just have a party", and everyone grunting in agreement. Once that long winded debate is settled, each roommate has a role in spreading the word.

Here's who each roommate is responsible for inviting:

Bosh- The majority of the girls and Chris Bosh.

Heisenberg- His girlfriend (let's call her Skylar) and Skylar's friends who somehow all have boyfriends.

Razor- 10-20 guys who are all a threat to break something in the house. 

Boris- Some local rappers/possible homeless people.

Meatballs- 4 girls who could technically be considered house groupies. 

Thor- 1-2 other large men.

Steve- His friend from home whose Howl conquests have been well documented by innocent bystanders. 

Howie- Honors program girls who are way too smart to talk to any of the guys.

Sanchez-hopefully the future Mrs. Sanchez

Ron-3-5 girls he met one time that have zero chance of actually showing up.

Friday marked the first party of the semester. Let's check out the highlights:

11:00- Not a single person has shown up yet. Everyone starts feeling a little embarrassed even though this happens every party. Fordham definitely holds some national record for the latest starting parties in the country. 

11:15- The girlfriends of roommates and other regulars start filing in. 

11:20- Games start on the table while Ron's playlist, consisting of 80% Rap and 20% One Direction, blares in the living room.

11:30- Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as people who aren't morally obligated to come start showing up. 

11:40- Razor's friends arrive.

11:42- Razor's friends take their first group cigarette break. 

12:00- Ron starts calling his shots in beer pong and proceeds to miss every single one. His loyal teammate Heisenberg is not pleased. 

12:10- Boris disappears with his crew upstairs, most likely to rap battle. 

12:35- Meatballs and Howie peer pressure Steve into challenging one of Razor's friends to a shotgunning contest. They both finish their beers faster than humanly possible but Steve loses on a controversial decision. Needless to say, the babes were still impressed. 

12:46- The playlist is cut off abruptly and the party is silenced. It's time for the house anthem and only country song that ever graces the guys' speakers. Guests are required to sing along at the top of their lungs or are asked to leave immediately. 

1:00- Thor starts hanging out in the kitchen, thus there is no longer room for anyone else in the kitchen.

1:10- Meatballs throws up in the bathroom and blames it on his new diet regimen. Not a single person believes him. 

1:15- The whole party realizes Razor has officially begun dating one of the aforementioned house groupies. Another one bites the dust.

1:25- Steve forgets the name of the girl he's been chatting up on the couch all night. She storms out in disgust. Classic Steve. 

1:45-2:00- The rest of the party slowly starts clearing out searching for greener pastures at the bar where they will inevitably be letdown and forced to stuff their faces with pizza to end the night, again. Ahhh Fordham.