The Weight Loss Challenge

The majority of the house members will be going on Spring Break in Cancún this year. The only downside to this is that the majority of the house members also have beach bodies similar to Cousin Terio. To combat this issue, the boys have started a Biggest Loser-esque challenge to see who can lose the highest percentage of weight before Spring Break (March 17th).

This challenge has been a constant source of entertainment for the rest of the house. Apparently, eating 3 slices of buffalo chicken pizza is even more satisfying while in front of a friend whose girlfriend plans his diet at Whole Foods. It is also universally accepted that if the guys toned down their drinking, just a bit, they'd be able to drop out of school immediately and get a head start on their male modeling careers. Unfortunately, that's just out of the question. 

*The house groupies are also participating in this contest but no one in the history of mankind has talked about a girl's weight on the Internet and lived to tell the tale, so let's just leave them out of this.

Here's a look at everyone's plan of action and why they have no chance to succeed:

Howie

Strategy- Insanity workout program. He also firmly believes that wearing tank tops around the house in January will somehow trick his body into looking better in them when it's time to shine. 

Why It Will Fail- His chances of completing Insanity are about the same as Kim Kardashian's chances of being canonized by the Catholic Church.

Prediction- Loses 6.8%


Bosh

Strategy-  Looking to get abs that are ripped to shreds just as one would imagine Chris Bosh's to be. 

Why It Will Fail- He's putting absolutely no effort into this. It's almost admirable, really.

Prediction- Gains 0.1%


Heisenberg

Strategy-  Invented his own diet that he only needs to do two days a week.

Why It Will Fail- Seriously, he's only dieting twice a week. 

Prediction- Loses 5.2%

Meatballs

Strategy- No one actually knows what he's doing to lose weight. Really might just be mentally willing the pounds away so he doesn't lose to his girlfriend (Groupie #1).

Why It Will Fail- His nickname is Meatballs. Is it even dieting when your portion sizes would put Joey Chestnut to shame?

Prediction- Loses 6.9%

Razor

Strategy- Almost definitely cheated on the initial weigh-in. Goes for early morning "gym sessions" that are "so cheddar" but have no actual witnesses. Doubling his Guac' intake. 

Why It Will Fail- He will get complacent now that he's locked up his girlfriend (Groupie #2) and will pack on the pounds.

Prediction- Disqualification once evidence of foul play is discovered. 

Sanchez

Strategy- Actually attempting to gain weight so no one confuses him for a lost child. Bacon, Egg and Cheeses with Milkshakes for breakfast. 

Why It Will Fail- Science. It's just not happening. Scrawny for life. 

Prediction- Gains 0.0%