Rethinking Women and the Super Bowl

Ever since George Washington and his boys dominated the British, stole the name of their favorite sport, and made it significantly more violent and entertaining, Super Bowl Sunday has been the biggest Man Day of the year in America. They wisely scheduled this event to occur in early February in order to have one last day of happiness before Hallmark's manipulative cash cow known as Valentine's Day. Thus, GW and the fellas established an equilibrium between men and women during the cold month of February that had previously ruined countless relationships. 

Now because Super Bowl Sunday is so important to mankind, it has been widely assumed that women are not intended to take part in, or enjoy, the day to the same extent. As staunch feminists and Title IX supporters, the boys of the house decided to invite some girls over to test this outdated theory during the big game. Now it should be noted that this was an absolutely terrible idea. The house has limited seating space and a TV that is similar in size and HD quality to an Etch-A-Sketch. Nonetheless, this was for science and needed to be done. 

A full hour before game time, the ladies quickly demonstrated their value and proved that they earned their spots on the couch. Each group provided crucial elements to the feast. Skyler and her swarm of boyfriend loving friends started things off with some top notch Mac and Cheese. That was probably enough food for everyone, but the Super Bowl is about America, and America is about gluttony, so the boys persevered. 

The next course was an A+ buffalo chicken dip that lasted about 3 minutes and was made by a girl who may or may not be the house's indentured servant. She cooked, cleaned the bathrooms, and didn't even stay for the game. Great performance. 

The MVP award goes to The Groupies (we're capitalizing that now). They collectively destroyed the entire Weight Loss Challenge with burrito bowls that could put Chipotle out of business. Anyone who actually finished theirs has since put this accomplishment on their resumé. 

If delicious food isn't enough to convince you that women are essential to a Super Bowl party, their hard hitting analysis of the game itself should change your mind. This specific party had a solid mix of girls who regularly watch football and others who were watching their first game of the year. The following quotes kept the game interesting even when the players couldn't:

• "Do people in Denver ever call the Broncos the Bronkies? They should."-Groupie #2 renaming teams before kickoff. 
• "I don't think they should run into each other like that. Football probably hurts." -Groupie #1 solving football's concussion problem.
• "Oh look at the bird! That's like a Harry Potter thing, right?"- Boyfriend girl #1 after a live sea hawk is shown onscreen.
• "The Bronkies just aren't in it to win it. They should try harder"-Groupie #2 with an inspiring halftime speech. 
• "What do you guys think of unmarried couples living together?"-Boyfriend girl #2 sparking a riveting debate for the entire fourth quarter. 

So there you have it. Food and entertainment. Those are the two reasons that females are not only tolerated, but embraced during the ultimate Man Day. Congrats ladies. Can an entire house share the Nobel Prize for this research?