Lent

It may come as a shock to some, but the men of the house are not without their flaws (singing in the shower, volunteering too much, etc.). These vices can all be corrected though with some hard work. For 10 good Catholic boys, Lent beginning on Wednesday is the perfect time to start working on these weaknesses. Lent is a time for sacrifice and denying yourself things that make you happy because that's what God wants, or something like that. Here's what each house member should be giving up over the next 40 days:

Meatballs- playing cards. For the past few weeks, every second that he hasn’t been diligently working on his math homework in an academically honest manner, Meatballs has been organizing shady card games with anyone he can find. It’s a real addiction that is no laughing matter since he will be heading to AC this weekend, likely to lose his entire life savings in ten minutes. 

Razor- his high horse. He fancies himself a high brow movie critic and wine connoisseur. However, after a weekend spent getting kicked out of Manhattan bars for greasy behavior and incorrectly guessing every single Oscar winner, it’s time for Razor to finally admit he’s just common street trash.  

Thor- taking his shirt off at parties. It’s freezing outside and the heat in the house barely works. Nobody’s buying his “Is it hot in here or is it just me?” line anymore. 

Ron- texting girls that "don't like him like that". He's been embarrassing himself with this bad habit for months now and above shows a candid shot of him Friday night, desperately attempting to escape the friend zone but being Marshawn Lynch'd. 

Boris-blacking out for entire weekends and claiming someone else peed in his trash can. Pretty self explanatory. 

Howie- barging into people's rooms unannounced. The Kramer of the house, Howie has absolutely no fear when bursting into another man's room. In a dump of a house with doors that don't lock, this often has unwanted consequences. 

Bosh- drinking. This one isn't funny at all. He should really cut back on the drinking. 

Heisenberg- zip-up sweatshirts with no undershirt. In general, the house supports flaunting chest hair, but this move is too savage and diabolical to let slide. Stop scaring the kids, man.

Sanchez- remixes. With the exception of R. Kelly's, "Ignition", never in the history of music has a remix been better than the original version of a song. Despite his insistence that "I swear you'll love it, bro", no one ever actually loves it and everyone just prays he puts on Randy Houser again. 

Steve- smoothness. Yes, you read that correctly. Steve has been so smooth with the ladies lately that it is actually negatively affecting his life. He's been breaking hearts left and right and has decided that he needs to tone down the quick witted humor and suave hair for the good of the Fordham community. He's the hero Fordham girls deserve, but not the one they need right now.