Spring Breakers

Spring Break is essential to senior year. College students across the country need time off from their stressful daily routines of excessive drinking and laziness so they excessively drink and lounge in areas with warmer weather. It's the most hyped week of the college experience. What are often forgotten though are the preparations needed to make Spring Break happen, and the after-effects of such an irresponsible week. Let's take a look at how each house member spent the 3 weeks before, during, and after Spring Break:

Meatballs

Before- Spent the week before Spring Break starving himself to win the prestigious Weight Loss Challenge. 

During- His victory made him extremely cocky and he refused to put on a shirt the entire week in Cancun. When you have an award winning bod, you've earned the right to show off.

After- Now has second degree burns on his shoulder that are ironically too painful for him to even put a shirt back on. 

Howie

Before- Cried all week that he'd be missing out on his group text with Ron and Steve that will one day incriminate them all for various felonies. 

During- Puked every single day like a 14 year old girl who broke into her parents liquor cabinet. Also, was depressed his own girlfriend couldn't come to Cancun so the next best alternative was sexually harassing his friends' girlfriends. 

After- Praying that the various girlfriends' lawsuits don't hold up in court since they occurred in international waters. 

Ron

Before- Extremely bitter that he couldn't make it to Cancun, he resorted to reading everyone stories of the yearly spring break kidnappings and murders that occur.

During- Visited tropical Pennsylvania, on an all inclusive trip to his mom's couch. He lost more money gambling on college basketball than he would have spent if he hadn't cheaped out on the Cancun trip.

After- Hasn't really been the same since Aaron Carter unfollowed him on Twitter. How do you bounce back from that?

Steve

Before- Wouldn't stop talking about the "sexy little tan" he'd be getting while vacationing in Florida with Brandii and their kid. 

During- Sent a selfie to Ron every time he ate a cheeseburger that week. Ten total selfies were sent. 

After- Told everyone in the house to "frig off" and that he's "off the cheeseburgers now". The guys have seen him when he's off the cheeseburgers and that kid is definitely ON the cheeseburgers still.

Bosh

Before- Annoyed the hell out of the rest out of the house by trying to teach himself Spanish in the living room two days before the trip. 

During- Somehow managed to operate on Eastern Standard Time the entire vacation without noticing he was two hours ahead of everyone else.

After- He's in total denial that Spring Break is over and hasn't stopped drinking since. There's a solid chance the next post will be about his inevitable intervention. 

Heisenberg

Before- Tried to find as many ways as possible to not spend money in Cancun. You apparently can put a price tag on fun. 

During- Wore a bathing suit so short it could almost be described as a male thong. Horrifying. 

After- Hopefully regretting allowing his and Thor's girlfriends to take pictures of them jumping in the air and striking girly poses. Have some pride fellas. 

Sanchez

Before- Could not figure out why it was unacceptable to drive his Jeep to Cancun.

During- Trip was completely ruined when he was called ugly by a vicious tour guide named Alejandro.

After- Confidence has been totally shattered ever since and has been spotted several times checking himself out in the mirror muttering various curses about that bully Alejandro. 

Razor

Before- Booked the same trip as everyone else but in a different hotel with a better recycling policy because he's a dirty hipster.

During- Took so many sick pics making quirky faces in the club for Groupie #2's wittily named Facebook album: "It's Called CANcun not CANTcun LOL!!". Who says girls aren't funny?

After- Has explosive diarrhea that spices up the smell of the already rancid house.

Thor

Before- Mostly worried about fitting protein into his carry on bag and if the gym in his hotel would have enough free weights. 

During- Took as many douchey flexing pictures as he possibly could and was mistaken for Rocky Balboa by several Mexicans. 

After- Receiving plenty of deserved insults for his photo sessions and has locked himself in his room to have some "alone time" watching the Hercules trailer on repeat.

Boris

Before-  Was real mysterious about what his actual plans were and was making sure to say goodbye to everyone. Kinda concerning?

During- No clue. Hasn't actually made it back yet or contacted anyone.

After- He's almost certainly dead. RIP.