The pointless arguments and immature shenanigans of ten roommates with way too much time on their hands.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Chazzing


Spending too much time locked inside with the same 10 guys in a disgusting house is dangerous for a number of reasons. For starters, there's a very strong chance 3 Floors 10 Doors was the breeding ground for the mumps outbreak at Fordham. The school wide virus and complete ineptitude of the Fordham Health Center is a story for another day, though. Today it's time to talk about a much more deadly epidemic that's been spreading through the house lately, known as Chazzing.

A Chaz is essentially a straight guy who frequently hangs out with a group of girls but has never and will never hook up with any of them. He's unintentionally "just one of the girls". 

Now there's absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with girls. Every normal guy that isn't a complete psychopath has girl friends. However, in a house of borderline chauvinistic men who love nothing more than tearing each other down, spending too much time with the ladies is a dangerous road to go down. It's completely childish, but it is unbearably embarrassing for an overly proud manly man to be called out for an act of Chazzing. It should be noted that this is not a term the guys invented, but one they have recently embraced and developed into more specific categories to better explain the phenomenon:


DJ Chazzy Jeff
"The Friends' Girlfriends Guy"


This type of Chaz spends more time hanging out with his friends' girlfriends than he does with his actual guy friends. One of the chazziest chazzes out there, DJ Chazzy Jeff doesn't even realize how unacceptable his behavior is and is blissfully ignorant to his crimes. Lately, if you want to know what Heisenberg is doing this weekend you're better off asking Sanchez. In all likelihood, he probably already made plans with Heisenberg's girlfriend during one of their many text convos. 


Chaz Michael Murray
"The Too Many Similar Interests Guy"


Chaz Michael Murray has way too much in common with a typical girl. His friends look on in disgust as he babbles to a group of ladies about the Kristin/Stephen/LC love triangle on Laguna Beach (Team LC 4 Lyfe!)  He's not using his extensive knowledge on popular girl topics to manipulate his way into their hearts but is perfectly content with their friendship. Ron is such a Chaz Michael Murray sometimes it's tough to witness. He watches Nashville religiously, creates handshakes with different girl friends, and on Friday nights can regularly be found dancing on the couches to One Direction.  He's passed the point of no return. 

Chaz Finster
"The Picture Guy"

Every weekend, Chaz Finster has a full blown photo session with his chicks. He doesn't care if he's their slave cameraman or front row center in the pics as long as they end up on Facebook and get AT LEAST 20 likes. Steve is undoubtedly the Chaz Finster of the house. He has perfected his corny smile and head tilt so well it's alarming. Last weekend he was asked to take a random group of Fordham girls' picture in Howl and spent so much time trying to get the perfect shot that by the time he turned back to his friends they had all gone home. That's the price you pay when you Chaz. 

Chaz OchoCinco
"The Social Media Guy"


Not to be confused with the picture guy, Chaz OchoCinco's interactions go way deeper than simple Facebook pictures. He loves tweeting, instagramming, and snapchatting all of his platonic female companions. He may even have a secret Pinterest set up, planning his perfect wedding. In a shocking revelation this past weekend, it was uncovered that Meatballs has been a closet Chaz OchoCinco for months, and maybe even years. His #1 SnapChat friend is one of his roommates' girlfriends and he sees nothing wrong with repeatedly sending her snaps when they the are in the same room as each other. True BFFs.


Chaz Bono
"The Desperate to Leave the Friend Zone Guy"


The most depressing, and common Chaz is Chaz Bono. The poor guy just cannot catch a break. He's done every single thing he could think of to free himself from the friend zone but the lady is just not having it. Every single man in the history of civilization has been a Chaz Bono at least once in his life. The moment a man goes from excitedly on the hunt for a girl to accepting his status as a permanent Chaz in her life is a sad, sad day. Please ladies, have some sympathy here and remember, only YOU can prevent Chaz Bonos. 

No comments:

Post a Comment