The last month of the semester is stressful for a number of reasons. Your professors are assigning work like they teach the only class that matters, you're scrambling last minute for a job, and summer is a lot less appealing knowing that you'll either be stuck in cubicle hell or heading straight to grad school. Oh yeah, and you have no money.
Technically not everyone is poor, just those that prioritized the freedom to go out on Tuesdays and Thursdays over picking up an internship to keep them afloat throughout the year. Naturally, a significant portion of the house falls into the broke category. It doesn't help that Fordham provides a plethora of last minute events for seniors in order to squeeze every last drop of cash out of the kids before they graduate (at which time Fordham immediately begins hassling the new alumni with opportunities to "give back" to the school). Also, what better way to appreciate the seniors' parents than asking them to shell out $240 on a dinner the night before graduation?
Colleges scamming money out of students isn't exactly a new concept though, and the boys of 3 Floors 10 Doors definitely deserve plenty of the blame for their own poverty. Here's how they have been attempting to maintain their lavish lifestyle while ballin' on a budget.
1. Pillaging the couch cushions for spare change.
Steve, Ron, and Howie hit rock bottom this weekend trying buy their beer for the night. Steve paid with gold dollars from the metro north, Ron bought his Natty Light with quarters, and Howie got denied trying to use an expired American Express gift card. Being too poor for a bodega known for its numerous stabbings is as greasy as it gets.
Steve, Ron, and Howie hit rock bottom this weekend trying buy their beer for the night. Steve paid with gold dollars from the metro north, Ron bought his Natty Light with quarters, and Howie got denied trying to use an expired American Express gift card. Being too poor for a bodega known for its numerous stabbings is as greasy as it gets.
2. Recalling old debts.
Usually generous and carefree spenders, the guys can now be heard asking each other, "Remember that time in October when I paid for your $2.50 subway ride? That's been gaining interest ever since." Everyone is also convinced that Razor, who is in charge of collecting the monthly electric bill, has been skimming off the top all semester to pay for froyo dates with his lady.
3. Don't ask, don't tell.
Are these plastic cups that have been scattered on the disgusting floor for a month clean? It's none of your business now shut up and let's play flip cup. Heisenberg would rather chug directly from the toilet rather than pony up the few bucks to buy new cups. Meatballs knows he's gonna puke after a few beers anyway so who cares if there's some mold in there?
4. Know your deals.
$7.50 twelve packs at Habibi and $4 cheesesteaks at the bodega on 187th and Cambreleng are the staples of a
5. Accepting Charity
After googling several variations of "how to collect welfare" the guys have decided to implore any generous souls to donate to their cause. They pinky swear it won't go directly to booze. The boys will accept checks, credit, PayPal, Venmo, Bit Coins, Schrute Bucks, Beanie Baby/Pokemon card collections, or just Straight Cash Homie.
Hopefully the house will be able to fight through these tough times but as the great philosopher and CEO, Birdman, once eloquently stated, "Can't pay my rent cause all my money's spent, but that's OK cause I'm still fly. Brrrrrrr."
PS- This song is basically a 2002 version of Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" except it's awesome and doesn't cater to the ears of 12 year old suburban white girls.
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