The End is Near

For months, graduation seemed so distant and unfathomable that it was never a real concern. Everyone recognized that as seniors, time was limited, but May 17th was the least of the boys' worries. There was too much fun ahead of them and too many obstacles to hurdle before that dreaded day would come. The guys had all the time in the world.

Over the past few weeks, that mentality has completely evaporated. Each passing day is a constant reminder of how close they truly are to giving up their fantasy lives and stepping into the real world. In five short weeks, society will consider the boys full fledged adults. The clock is ticking. It's officially panic time.

Here's how each of the roommates are handling their impending doom:

Boris- might be over-embracing the notion that this is his last chance to go crazy and try new things. On an unrelated note, it's probably best if you keep your significant other out of his sight for the next few weeks.

Sanchez- befriending as many freshmen as he can so he has an excuse to come back as much as possible. Also, considering quitting his internship because he's been missing intellectually valuable couch debates on crucial topics such as "would you rather have nose-shaped fingers or a finger-shaped nose?"

Howie- secretly enjoying everyone's state of panic because graduation is a peer pressurer's dream. He can basically talk his roommates into anything now by guilting them with how little time they have left together: "You're really doing homework on a Monday night? On our fourth to last Monday ever? Just have a few beers on the deck before you start."

Thor- conveniently transferred to UConn with his girlfriend days before they won the National Championship. He can name zero players on the team, but the UConn community accepted him for his ability to single handedly flip cars during their post game riots.

Heisenberg- to the delight of the rest of the house he has gone out more in the past semester than he had in the previous 7 combined. It doesn't actually make sense though since he'll be going to school for essentially the rest of his life.

Ron- been a bit unstable lately. Only leaves the house for chicken/bacon/ranch slices from Bellini's or to torture himself at Mugz's. Either way he's back in five minutes. On weekends, he can be found dancing on the couches and assaulting guests with beer cans while yelling at them for not singing along to "Shout."

Bosh- the only house member douchey enough to talk about his job, Bosh frequently brings up the hypothetical of "which one of us do you think will make a million dollars first?" The rest of the house is eagerly anticipating the day he's arrested for some form of white collar crime.

Meatballs- has wasted so much time on Fordham's Career Link site that he's dangerously close to accepting a position as a professional eater/card dealer. Also, he recently purchased tickets to see Les Miserables live in theater because "I'm gonna be miserable the rest of my life anyway, might as well get a head start now."

Razor- contracted a rare form of Senioritis that involves Bronchitis, Diarrhea, and goofy lankiness. Spends most of his free time jealously critiquing the twitter accounts of his more successful peers in the media biz.

Steve- actually has been very calm about the end of his college career. Fame awaits him. These peasants will one day worship him. Always humble, Steve's only concern is how he can let as many women as possible get a piece of him before he departs, because it will be "something they can tell their grandkids someday".